All We Have, Finally

I’M NEW TO THIS BLOGGING BUSINESS, but one thing that’s painfully familiar to me is the incessant desire to edit, edit, then edit again.

I’ve been this way as long as I remember.

Carver’s words (I’m currently writing a thesis on him) echo around my head so tauntingly.

they had better be the right ones

I’m not a perfectionist in any other area of my life. And I’m actually so hasty that I make a lot of rushed mistakes (which subsequently fuels my need to edit).

Nothing I write is ever good enough.

Nothing I write looks quite the same on the page as it did in my head.

There is always a better, cleverer, funnier, more succinct, wittier, more interesting way to tell my story.

And I cannot resist involuntarily playing these alternatives out internally.

Then, when I can’t resist any longer…

I go back and adjust.
I revisit and tamper.
I drive myself mad.

And eventually, I let it go.

Am I the only one with this habit…[quirk] [tendency] [obsession] ?

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Toast with the Crusts Cut Off

OUR BIGGEST TIDDLER, HOLLY, is under the weather today.

She doesn’t want to get out of bed, so I’ve made a bed on the sofa, and we’re cuddled under a blanket, catching up on some Sarah And Duck on television.

Whilst snuggling here, I suddenly recalled a distant memory of being ill as a child, and my mama bringing jam on toast, with the crusts cut off.

I wondered if this little treat might nurse Holly back to health, a couple of decades after it worked for me.

Not sure if it is the carbs from the bread or the sugar from the jam, but she’s certainly looking a little brighter.

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Reasons to Bother

IT’S BEEN A LOVELY, long, indulgent Easter weekend for us.

One of those weekends that reminds us why being a family and raising tiddlers is worth the often overwhelming amount of effort it takes…

In preparation for the weekend, the children and I baked Creme Egg brownies.

It will undoubtedly mean that I go back to normal life next week a few pounds heavier (they were irresistible and didn’t make it past Saturday), but I don’t regret a single bite.

We spent Friday getting together with the whole family to share a roast, play games and generally have a giggle. Plus, my mum cooked and cleaned up after, so what’s not to like?!

Saturday saw a day trip to a nearby market town, Northallerton. Delicious Yorkshire tapas lunch at a deli, a stroll through the fruit and veg market and a blissful car journey home, during which BOTH children napped simultaneously, giving me and the mr some time to chat.

Easter Sunday brought sunshine (still no warmth, but it is Britain after all) and treats. Holly and Noah loved discovering the muddy paw prints left behind by a mucky Easter bunny, and enjoyed devouring the cup of sweets and raisins even more!


Im ever so thankful for weekends like this 🙂

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Thinking BIG

SO, THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME. We have to decide on a pre-school for our eldest wee tiddler, Holly.

How does one begin to make a decision like this? My kids are my world, and we’ve never left them with anybody other than parents before now.

To tell you the truth, I’m terrified about the whole thing. But I know she has to go, and she will benefit so much from all the social skills and independence she’ll be developing, but she’s still my baby girl, and I will find it hard to hand her over each day.

I still find it hard to accept that 3 years have passed since she we first held her in our arms.



Anyway, we started to look at schools, and here we made our mistake – we thought small.

We looked at the local school and it was good. But not good enough.

We had a tour of the classrooms and the play areas and everything seemed fine – but I don’t want ‘fine’ for our daughter. The staff seemed quite pleasant, and the other children were smiling but something just didn’t click for me.

We applied anyway (thinking this was our only feasible option) and got ready for Holly to start.

With her start date approaching though, I felt uneasy and laid awake at night thinking about leaving her at the door in the mornings; imagining her having nobody to turn to when she needed a cuddle; and playing out my concerns over the staff/child ratio (1 teacher to 13 children).

Then I was having coffee with a local friend, and she told me how happy her daughter is at her pre-school. The only issue was that it’s a short car journey away and my husband takes the car to work during the week.

But we looked around the pre-school anyway and found the staff warm and welcoming, and the other children were so happy, engaged and secure in their care. They keep chickens, and plant veg in the yard. They hold hands, and play dressing-up. They take picnics to the forest, and sing songs whilst tidying the nursery.

Most importantly for me, Holly had a little bump whilst visiting and one of the staff just ran over and picked her up for a huge cuddle, enveloping her in her arms until the tears dried.

We knew this was the place for our children.

That’s when we remembered that sometimes in life you have to THINK BIG.

For me, that didn’t mean trying to change the world, but simply trying to change MY world.

We’d always assumed that running a second car would cost more than we can afford. We’ve always purchased from dealers, and never paid less than £4000 for our (very basic) cars.

Now, for those of you that don’t know me well, I’m a bargain-hunter by nature. I make, I bake, I buy local, I buy second-hand. And it suddenly dawned on me that I could purchase a cheap but sufficient car in the same place that I buy the children’s books, and our bits and pieces for the house – eBay!

We finally won Betty (that is a whole other post!) for £460. And now Holly is about to start at her lovely pre-school after the Easter holidays.


My night worries have not subsided (I guess that’s the way it is as a mother), but we all feel so much happier about our decision.

So, if you have a problem to solve this week, my advice would be… think BIG!

Categories: children, Motherhood | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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